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View Full Version : How the faceless and amoral world of cyberspace has created a deeply disturbing… gene


Sassy
01-29-2009, 05:08 PM
Sassy rant: Get ready, because there will be LOTS of these I'm sure:

The original Link:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1129978/How-faceless-amoral-world-cyberspace-created-deeply-disturbing--generation-SEX.html)

There is one point of modern parenting the author mentions that I whole heartedly agree with:

‘Parents should take back some of the control they’ve ceded. We don’t say “no” enough, so vulnerable girls don’t have enough experience of saying “no” themselves.’

As a whole I think it’s a great read and there are a few points I strongly agree with.

For a woman who finds sexuality in our generation “deeply disturbing”, I love that she reminisces about the following as though it were a warm thought:

Remember that Hilaire Belloc cautionary tale - Matilda told such dreadful lies, it made one gasp and stretch one’s eyes? I used to love it as a child when telling lies was one of the naughtiest things you could do: Matilda ended up getting burned to death.

I gotta say, my generation may have discovered the joy of sex in the name of sex, but we have the good sense not to terrorize young children into good behaviour with violent thoughts of getting burned to death for lying.

Then she goes on to say:

In the course of the evening, she [author's daughter] came upon one of her friends, also aged 13, performing oral sex on a boy in the garden. The boy was standing and videoing the event on his mobile phone.My daughter, in whom the feisty gene has always found strong expression, pulled her friend off the boy, knocked the phone out of his hand and slapped him round the face.


Yet another preference of violence over sex. Sure, knock the camera out of the boys hands, talk some sense into your stupid friend - but slap him round the face? Her friend agreed to it and is just as guilty, why does the burden of blame fall entirely on the guy as though he were the only decision maker? We talk and talk about equal rights in feminism - that also means equal responsibility.

Believe it or not, and as horrifying as it may be, teens ARE sexual by nature. The only thing that has changed, is technology - the internet and common access to portable video technology has created a new landscape of exploration.

And yes, video taping yourself is a form of sexual exploration. It is curiosity. It is wanting to see yourself from a vantage point you never would be able to otherwise. It’s exiting and adventurous: and completely inappropriate for minors. Consenting adults on the other hand: knock yourself out. Just don’t be shocked if you break up and someone posts it on YouTube.

She goes on to say this about the act of the boy filming:

This not only signals the boy’s disassociation from the physical experience, it also indicates his intention to replay the event and, no doubt, to share his triumph with his friends as one might brandish a trophy above one’s head for all to see.

Again, we blame the male. What about the female’s disassociation? She’s acting on camera. And it is laughable to assume she isn’t just as eager to watch and replay the event, showing it to her friends. If she’s exhibitionistic enough to provide oral sex in public, and let it be filmed, it’s not a far reaching conclusion that she wants to do some of her own bragging.

Females can be equally, if not even more, sexually aggressive than males.

I do agree with the author on this point: Reality TV has a lot to answer for. Reality television is the downfall of western civilization. We’ve moved away from entertaining content with valuable story lines and real actors. We aren’t creating classics, we aren’t creating art, we aren’t even making a statement. We aren’t leaving a media legacy for future generations.

Naturally television companies love reality TV: they don’t have to pay actors real salaries, or find talented writers. Just pitch every day people against each other, put them in humiliating circumstances, manipulate them, try to make them cry and fight.

Why aren’t parents turning it off? Cut the cable if you have to. I make a point of explaining why these shows are horrifying and degrading to people all the time. In fact, I find the vast majoity of pornography less degrading then reality TV. I refuse to watch it. I change the channel or I leave the room.

Call me old-fashioned, but when I was a gal, [sluttishness] was not a condition one aspired to.

Allow me: You’re old fashion.

Females have gotten to a point where we no longer believe the love and sex lie. Love is not sex. Sex is not Love. If you lust after a man that you desperately want to sleep with, its okay to play with him and put him back when you’re done. Sex is enjoyable without the presence of long lasting romantic love - and there’s nothing wrong with it. For those that desire monogamy, they are free to live out those wishes. Those of us who believe in sex strictly for pleasure: act in honesty and respect, and they should be free to do as they please without judgment.

Given self confidence, pride and contraception, a woman should be able to make these decisions on her own.

Women are taking pride in the world “slut” the way black men have taken pride in the word “nigger”. It was used to degrade sexually liberal women, to shame them for their choices. No more - by freely applying it to ourselves, we take the pain out of their punch. To rob them of their hatred by declaring: a rose by any other name, is still a rose.

And yes: slutty women are as valid and deserving of respect as the chaste ones.

They looked, as girls so often do, far older than their 13 years and not unlike the Playboy Bunnies who incensed a generation of feminists

She talks as though feminists have never fought for the sexually promiscuous, for pornography, and for prostitutes. There is a huge divide within the feminist community, those who support and those who despise.

The feminists who support say: Not only do men insult and repress us, but our fellow women will pass judgment and express disdain as well? We each make our own choices, even if others can’t understand them. Feminism is about the freedom of CHOICE. To be a housewife if one wishes it, or to be a stripper if that is what excites her.

To those feminists who say promiscuity is the foot of patriarchy: Chastity and Virginity are the inventions of patriarchy. They are the rules that say: only one man should own your body, and take pleasure in it. They were concepts invented when men realized sperm made babies. Then a man wanted to own his wife, so he could guarantee the children she bore were HIS hire to his name and property. Patriarchal communities have always tried to repress the sexuality of women, inventing chastity belts, creating laws, sometimes even punishing with the threat of death.

Sassy
01-29-2009, 05:08 PM
their role models are spilling their guts about their ‘private’ lives all over the pages of every national newspaper, magazine and on television.

Yes, these women are basket cases. Spears and Hilton were not actively putting out anything. They were chased by camera crews, stocked, photoshopped and harassed. Are we forgetting the National Inquirer lies and exaggerates? That the paparazzi have been sued for harassment, libel, and even assault time and again? And it isn’t all the teens buying up these horrible magazines to support the massive profits that make law suites worth the risk, but mothers in grocery stores who never seem to get enough gossip.

Programmes like Sex And The City with man-eating Samantha as the living embodiment of casual libidinous sex, all provide the back projection to our children’s lives.

Women like Samantha are a reality. There is nothing shameful about her character or the portrayal of it.

Would the 13-year-old girl administering oral sex in a London garden have done so if she’d fully considered the possible repercussions of the video the boy was taking of her?

Welcome to parenting! Include it in your family discussions - the danger of posting you life on the internet. Teach them a thing or two about proper behaviour. That things can get crazy but posting it on the internet makes it permanent and could limit any future possibilities they might want to pursue. To be watchful of cell phones and other cameras taping. Just like another generation had to have the drug talk for the first time with their kids.

where many a young girl’s dream seems to be the desire to dance around a pole or cheer while others do.

It was also my dream. A dream I have proudly fulfilled. It was a dream I had before the internet, before cell phone cameras, before I ever saw a porn, and before I actually knew what a strip club was. Yet, I day dreamed of lavish outfits, of celebrating nudity, or sharing the joy of dance, the movement of the body, in all its intoxicating natural glory.

Now the freedom to be sexually provocative or promiscuous is not enough - now it can mean the freedom to be an exhibitionist.

Yes, that’s right. Exhibitionists are people too. I do have one criticism on that topic towards the sexual community: If we don’t want other people throwing chastity belts on us, we should not be overtly sexual in public. Respect, acceptance and consideration is a two way street. The general public should be a safe zone. There are plenty of places in the modern world for exhibitionists to get their rocks off.

Although many of us might have engaged in such activities at a similar age, none of us could have imagined discussing it in front of our parents

Open communication about sexuality is important, this is a good thing. Certainly not in the presence of invited company, but that’s an opportunity to talk to a child about what is or isn’t appropriate - consider it a chance to teach your kid something.

Sometimes, they’re so busy creating drama and tension in the movie of their own lives that they’ve forgotten to be human beings.

That’s the part where raising your kid comes in. If you teach a child to be a human being, they won’t fall. They’ll feel degraded when put into a position to do something against their nature, rather then get a high off the extreme experience.

Let us not forget, that the obscene content on YouTube is not strictly the territory of youth. Many of the vile clips that have made it to YouTube were born of a generation that did not raise itself on the internet or YouTube - what excuse have we there?

One can’t help but wonder what happened to feminism and its lessons. On the one hand, girls drink like men; on the other they dress in a manner that invites sexual objectification. Do these young girls even know what feminism is?

Yes we do know. Having had sat through a Feminist Counseling program in college - I can safely say many younger women have come to despise feminists. They feel as oppressed by other women as they do by men. Some want to be house wives, some want to be whores, and feminists tell them they cannot. They’re rebelling against feminism. Women are saying: stop telling me what it means to be a “real” woman. Stop even assuming there is such thing as a “real woman” and treat people case by case, as entirely unique individuals. What applies to one group will make others absolutely miserable.

‘Boys demand that they go further before they are ready; if they do, they’ll quickly be labelled as sluts, and gain a reputation as an easy target, so that drunk boys will seek them expecting that they’ll be easy to get off with,’ says one.

‘If they don’t, they’ll be labelled as frigid and become instantaneously unattractive; most boys won’t bother investing time and energy flirting with a girl if they think there is little prospect of pulling.’

To this I say: Bullshit. There’s plenty of geeky bookish kids out there. There are plenty of kids that still just go to the movies and don’t loose their virginity until mid to late teens. There are boys who like to flirt with girls, and hold their hands, and pass them love notes. Choose a better social group. The promiscuously ones on YouTube are the most visible, the loudest, the most desperate for validation and attention and excitement that their lives somehow lack. They are not the whole.

The internet has raised the bar for the risk takers - which makes teaching the strength of independence an extremely important part of raising kids in modern times. The world changes and so must we.

The implications of all this behaviour are far reaching. A survey about violence in teenage relationships released last month by Women’s Aid and Bliss magazine found that nearly a quarter of 14-year-old girls who responded had been pressured into engaging in sexual activity with somebody they’ve dated.

I heard the same statistics when I was in high school: YouTube didn’t exist and the internet was in it’s infancy stages.

Many felt it was OK to hit a girl if she’d been unfaithful.

You can’t blame the internet for that - men have felt that way going back as far as recorded history. This goes back to the idea that you own the body of the woman you sleep with. A concept that leaned heavily on virginity, chastity and marriage.

Dyck Spreh
01-29-2009, 08:01 PM
I agree with much you've said. However--until you've had kids--you have no more place commenting on their discipline than a priest does in giving marriage counselling...

Sassy
01-29-2009, 08:46 PM
I agree with much you've said. However--until you've had kids--you have no more place commenting on their discipline than a priest does in giving marriage counselling...

Step kids? Nephew living in my home?

I'm not entirely lost on the topic... and it's exactly why I've decided never to have my own ;)

Dyck Spreh
01-29-2009, 08:53 PM
I knew I was gonna take flak...but I just couldn't resist!! ;)

col_tom
01-29-2009, 08:54 PM
...pull up my fave arm chair, grab a bag of popcorn, and enjoy the WP version of WWF.:D

Dyck Spreh
01-29-2009, 09:02 PM
I think it would be more like "The Young and the Geriatric";)

Fiona Fox
01-30-2009, 02:57 AM
...pull up my fave arm chair, grab a bag of popcorn, and enjoy the WP version of WWF.:D

What for? Dont you see, he already gave up!!:D

Sassy
01-30-2009, 01:18 PM
What for? Dont you see, he already gave up!!:D

Who cares? I'm still happy to elbow drop him :D