col_tom
02-20-2009, 11:02 PM
http://www.cracked.com/article_17080_8-humiliating-japanese-ads-starring-oscar-nominees.html
By Cole Gamble
http://cdn-i.dmdentertainment.com/funpages/cms_content/17080/ads_large.jpg
Oscar-nominated actors are the most dignified members of our species. They play the serious roles that inspire us and hold a special place of reverence in our culture.
But not in Japan. In a country where demoralization is the national pastime, our revered actors, Academy Award nominees and winners both, sell their own dignity for a paycheck because they assume we Americans will never see it.
But thanks to the Internet, we can celebrate their shame any time we want.
#8. Sean Connery - Biogurt
Sean takes a leisurely drive in the country with his nightmare rabbit puppet friend on route to his country house, which happens to be an enormous carton of yogurt.
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It makes sense that they went with Connery, since the product he's pitching here is called "Biogurt," a word that when we say it sounds like the noise you might make if someone asked you what you ate, and you tried to say the word yogurt while at the same time vomiting all over your shoes. Really, their only option was to get the only man who can make any word sound like the world's manliest lion purring in post-coital bliss. Or they could have renamed the product.
As an aside, Connery once worked on a movie with Lana Turner. Her boyfriend, famed tough guy gangster Johnny Stompanato, believed they were having an affair. Johnny stormed onto the set and pointed a gun at Connery, only to have Connery take the gun from Stompanato and twist his wrist until he relented.
Now watch this ad again, and appreciate what a multi-faceted man Sean Connery is.
#7. Brad Pitt - Edwin Jeans
In America, when we want to sell a product with ass, we just point the camera at the ass. Apparently, the Japanese need to be told to look at said ass.
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Here, Brad's giving a marketing lesson to this group of Japanese pedestrians. "Brad Pitt's ass in Edwin Jeans. Do you like?" Brad asks, employing an Italian accent, because half-assed Italian accents are the international language.
"Look at ass!" Brad demands. "Look at famous ass in jeans! Buy jeans!!!"
"Oh," speaks up one Japanese spectator, "you want us to buy that brand of jeans. Fine, perhaps you could tell me about their superior durability."
"Ass in Jeans!" Brad insists.
"Hmm," says another bystander, "are you saying we should buy these jeans because they are a great value, priced well below their competitors?"
"ASS JEANS!"
"He's rubbing his ass," says another. "He must be telling us these jeans are really comfortable too."
"Mamma Mia! ASSSSSSSSSSJEANSSSSSSSSSS!"
The Japanese bystanders all smile, believing this screaming man is dangerous.
#6. Nicolas Cage- Sankyo
Nicolas Cage does not have an agent.
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We're not going to blame the Japanese for the oddity of this ad. We believe this is all Nic Cage; just Cage being Cage. We imagine it went something like this:
Cage: Alright guys, I got this whole thing worked out. We start with me as a cowboy.
Japanese Ad Exec: Excuse me? I am honored you have agreed to endorse our product, but do you even know what product we're selling?
Cage: Hush, you're interrupting my process. So anyway, I'm a cowboy decked out in silk. A real frilly, silky cowboy with the rootin' tootins and all that stuff. Then I come upon some aliens.
Japanese Ad Exec: Aliens?
Cage: Aliens made of balls. And at first I'm all like, "What in tarnation?!" We're gonna fight, right? Intergalactic war. No! Instead we dance. They shake their balls and do their alien shuffle dance and I'm all like, "giddy up!"
Japanese Ad Exec: I'm afraid I don't-
Cage: I know what you're sayin', "Hey, Nicky Cage, all this silky cowboy and alien balls and dancin' sounds real faggy. But that's when we hit 'em with the switcharoo. I totally butch it up at the end by head butting the head ball alien guy, right in the ball!
Japanese Ad Exec: Uh, thank you for your creative input, but we only have one day to shoot and don't have any of those things.
Cage: No worries, I already filmed it.
Japanese Ad Exec: You what?
Cage: (galloping away on a stick horse) Yahoo! Giddy up! Whaoooo!
By Cole Gamble
http://cdn-i.dmdentertainment.com/funpages/cms_content/17080/ads_large.jpg
Oscar-nominated actors are the most dignified members of our species. They play the serious roles that inspire us and hold a special place of reverence in our culture.
But not in Japan. In a country where demoralization is the national pastime, our revered actors, Academy Award nominees and winners both, sell their own dignity for a paycheck because they assume we Americans will never see it.
But thanks to the Internet, we can celebrate their shame any time we want.
#8. Sean Connery - Biogurt
Sean takes a leisurely drive in the country with his nightmare rabbit puppet friend on route to his country house, which happens to be an enormous carton of yogurt.
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/SU6X6ohNM3w&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/SU6X6ohNM3w&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
It makes sense that they went with Connery, since the product he's pitching here is called "Biogurt," a word that when we say it sounds like the noise you might make if someone asked you what you ate, and you tried to say the word yogurt while at the same time vomiting all over your shoes. Really, their only option was to get the only man who can make any word sound like the world's manliest lion purring in post-coital bliss. Or they could have renamed the product.
As an aside, Connery once worked on a movie with Lana Turner. Her boyfriend, famed tough guy gangster Johnny Stompanato, believed they were having an affair. Johnny stormed onto the set and pointed a gun at Connery, only to have Connery take the gun from Stompanato and twist his wrist until he relented.
Now watch this ad again, and appreciate what a multi-faceted man Sean Connery is.
#7. Brad Pitt - Edwin Jeans
In America, when we want to sell a product with ass, we just point the camera at the ass. Apparently, the Japanese need to be told to look at said ass.
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/-kZRAq4-D2M&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/-kZRAq4-D2M&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Here, Brad's giving a marketing lesson to this group of Japanese pedestrians. "Brad Pitt's ass in Edwin Jeans. Do you like?" Brad asks, employing an Italian accent, because half-assed Italian accents are the international language.
"Look at ass!" Brad demands. "Look at famous ass in jeans! Buy jeans!!!"
"Oh," speaks up one Japanese spectator, "you want us to buy that brand of jeans. Fine, perhaps you could tell me about their superior durability."
"Ass in Jeans!" Brad insists.
"Hmm," says another bystander, "are you saying we should buy these jeans because they are a great value, priced well below their competitors?"
"ASS JEANS!"
"He's rubbing his ass," says another. "He must be telling us these jeans are really comfortable too."
"Mamma Mia! ASSSSSSSSSSJEANSSSSSSSSSS!"
The Japanese bystanders all smile, believing this screaming man is dangerous.
#6. Nicolas Cage- Sankyo
Nicolas Cage does not have an agent.
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/nVMziCNFF1I&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/nVMziCNFF1I&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
We're not going to blame the Japanese for the oddity of this ad. We believe this is all Nic Cage; just Cage being Cage. We imagine it went something like this:
Cage: Alright guys, I got this whole thing worked out. We start with me as a cowboy.
Japanese Ad Exec: Excuse me? I am honored you have agreed to endorse our product, but do you even know what product we're selling?
Cage: Hush, you're interrupting my process. So anyway, I'm a cowboy decked out in silk. A real frilly, silky cowboy with the rootin' tootins and all that stuff. Then I come upon some aliens.
Japanese Ad Exec: Aliens?
Cage: Aliens made of balls. And at first I'm all like, "What in tarnation?!" We're gonna fight, right? Intergalactic war. No! Instead we dance. They shake their balls and do their alien shuffle dance and I'm all like, "giddy up!"
Japanese Ad Exec: I'm afraid I don't-
Cage: I know what you're sayin', "Hey, Nicky Cage, all this silky cowboy and alien balls and dancin' sounds real faggy. But that's when we hit 'em with the switcharoo. I totally butch it up at the end by head butting the head ball alien guy, right in the ball!
Japanese Ad Exec: Uh, thank you for your creative input, but we only have one day to shoot and don't have any of those things.
Cage: No worries, I already filmed it.
Japanese Ad Exec: You what?
Cage: (galloping away on a stick horse) Yahoo! Giddy up! Whaoooo!